Robin Hood and Friar Tuck (Campfire Story)

One summer day, the Merry Men were sitting around their camp in Sherwood Forest, bragging about who was the best fighter in England.

'Robin is!' said Will Scarlet.

'Well,' said Will Stutely, 'I hear there's a friar who lives by the River Skell at Fountains Abbey who might be better. They say he's got a sword, a shield, a big round belly and fifty hounds, and he can beat any man alive.'

ROBIN HOOD stood up at once. 'Then I must meet this friar.'

So Robin put on his sword and his bow, and walked all day until he came to the River Skell. There on the far bank sat a round, red-faced friar with a bald head, eating a meat pie as big as a cartwheel. That was FRIAR TUCK.

'Hey, friar!' called ROBIN HOOD. 'Come over here and carry me across the river. I don't want to get my feet wet.'

FRIAR TUCK put down his pie. He waded into the river, all the way across, and knelt down so Robin could climb onto his back. Robin climbed on. The friar waded back across with the water up to his waist, and set Robin down, nice and dry, on the other side.

'Thank you, friar,' said Robin, very pleased with himself.

'You're welcome,' said FRIAR TUCK. Then he pulled out his sword. 'Now you carry me back across. I don't want to get my feet wet either.'

Well, fair is fair. So Robin knelt, and the friar climbed on. Oof! He was heavier than a sack of potatoes, heavier than two sacks of potatoes, heavier than a horse that had just eaten a sack of potatoes. Robin staggered across the river, slipping on the stones, with the water up to his chest, and at last set the friar down on the far bank.

'Now,' said Robin, drawing his own sword, 'you carry me back.'

'Gladly,' said FRIAR TUCK. He let Robin climb onto his back, waded right out to the deepest part of the river... and stopped.

'Choose, my friend,' said the friar. 'Will you sink, or will you swim?'

And he tossed ROBIN HOOD right off his back into the river. SPLASH!

Robin came up spluttering and furious, and grabbed the friar's robe, and pulled him in too. SPLASH! And there they were, both of them, sitting in the middle of the River Skell, soaking wet and glaring at each other.

Then the friar's belly started to shake. And Robin's mouth started to twitch. And in a moment they were both laughing so hard they couldn't stand up.

They fought anyway, of course, with swords and shields on the riverbank, from ten o'clock in the morning until four in the afternoon. And neither one could beat the other. Robin blew his horn, and his Merry Men came running. FRIAR TUCK whistled, and his fifty hounds came running. And there was a terrible tangle of barking dogs and men in green until everybody stopped and looked at each other and wondered what they were fighting about.

'Friar,' said ROBIN HOOD, 'you're the best fighter I've ever met, and the best joker too. Come and live with us in Sherwood. You can be our chaplain, and say grace before every feast.'

The friar thought about the feasts. He patted his big round belly. 'FRIAR TUCK accepts!'

And from that day on, Friar Tuck lived in Sherwood Forest with Robin Hood and the Merry Men. He said grace before every meal, and ate more than any two of them put together. And if anyone ever asked him to carry them across a river, he'd smile and say, 'Sink, or swim?'

Storyteller tips: build the weight joke ("heavier than a sack of potatoes...") and let the audience add their own. Pause after "Will you sink, or will you swim?" before the SPLASH.

Based on the ballad "Robin Hood and the Curtal Friar" (Child Ballad 123).