The Singing Scoutmaster: French Note, The

Glen took a dream vacation to Paris. He saw the Eiffel Tower, toured the Louvre and took a boat ride down the Seine. He definitely wanted to have some haute French cuisine, so he picked out the nicest restaurant he could afford. He was waiting for his table at the bar when the beautiful bartender dropped a note in front of him. It was in French, which he couldn't read. When he was seated, he asked his waiter if he could tell him what it said. The waiter said, "Yes, of course, let me see it." Upon reading it, the waiter had Glen forcibly removed from the restaurant.

Now Glen was sitting on the curb outside the restaurant, trying to figure out what just happened. A police officer came by and asked what he was doing. Glen explained "Well, I came to take my dream vacation to Paris. I saw the Eiffel Tower, toured the Louvre and took a boat ride down the Seine. I definitely wanted to have some haute French cuisine, so I picked out the nicest restaurant I could afford. I was waiting for my table at the bar when a beautiful bartender dropped a note in front of me. It was in French, which I can't read. When I was seated, I asked my waiter if he could tell me what it said. The waiter said of course, but upon reading it, the waiter had me forcibly removed from the restaurant."

"Hhmmmm..." said the police officer "You better let me see this note." So Glen gave note to the police officer. Upon reading the note the officer put Glen under arrest.

Glen was brought before a magistrate, where he protested "Your honor, I have done nothing wrong, I don't know why I'm here. See I came to take my dream vacation to Paris. I saw the Eiffel Tower, toured the Louvre and took a boat ride down the Seine. I definitely wanted to have some haute French cuisine, so I picked out the nicest restaurant I could afford. I was waiting for my table at the bar when a beautiful bartender dropped a note in front of me. It was in French, which I can't read. When I was seated, I asked my waiter if he could tell me what it said. The waiter said of course, but upon reading it, he had me forcibly removed from the restaurant. Then I was sitting on the curb outside the restaurant when a police officer came by, and after I let him see the note he put me under arrest."

"Bring this note forward." Ordered the judge. Glen gave the note to the judge. Upon reading the note the judge ordered Glen to be exiled from France.

Glen soon found himself on an airplane out of France back to America, which annoyed him as he still had several days left in his trip. A French businessman seated next Glen asked him, "So what's your story?"

Glen took a deep breath and then said "It started when I came to take my dream vacation to Paris. I saw the Eiffel Tower, toured the Louvre and took a boat ride down the Seine. I definitely wanted to have some haute French cuisine, so I picked out the nicest restaurant I could afford. I was waiting for my table at the bar when a beautiful bartender dropped a note in front of me. It was in French, which I can't read. When I was seated, I asked my waiter if he could tell me what it said. The waiter said of course, but upon reading it, the waiter had me forcibly removed from the restaurant. Then I was sitting on the curb outside the restaurant when a police officer came by, and after I let him see the note he put me under arrest. I was subsequently brought before a judge, and when he saw the note, he ordered me to be exiled from France. And I still don't even know what it says."

"That's quite a tale." Remarked the businessman. "Do you still have this note?" Glen did and he gave it to the businessman. Except, instead of telling Glen what it said, he paged a flight attendant over. The flight attendant read the note and then went to talk to the pilot. Upon reading the note, the pilot personally threw Glen out of the plane.

Now the pilot wasn't completely heartless, he did give Glen a parachute first. Glen didn't see that it mattered too much one way or the other, as they were over the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. However, as it happened, a ship was passing by and Glen was able to land right on it. Naturally Glen was brought before the captain, who wanted to know how Glen came to be on his ship. Glen explained "My story starts with what I thought would be my dream vacation to Paris. I saw the Eiffel Tower, toured the Louvre and took a boat ride down the Seine. I definitely wanted to have some haute French cuisine, so I picked out the nicest restaurant I could afford. I was waiting for my table at the bar when a beautiful bartender dropped a note in front of me. It was in French, which I can't read. When I was seated, I asked my waiter if he could tell me what it said. The waiter said of course, but upon reading it, the waiter had me forcibly removed from the restaurant. Then I was sitting on the curb outside the restaurant when a police officer came by, and after I let him see the note he put me under arrest. I was subsequently brought before a judge, and when he saw the note, he ordered me to be exiled from France. And I still couldn't believe it when the pilot of my plane found out what the note said he had me thrown out of the plane."

"Wow. That must be some note." exclaimed the captain. "You must let me read it, I speak French."

"No," replied Glen "I don't think it's a good idea for me to show it to anyone else." Everyone was disappointed, but Glen was firm that no one would get to see this note. They found a bunk for Glen to stay in for the week-long trip to America. It was a cargo ship, and everyone else was working, so Glen thought that he ought to work as well even though no one asked him to. He helped prep food, serve and clean up in the mess hall. Everyone agreed that they were better off having Glen make the coffee. He was even offered a permanent position upon the ship.

Of course people kept pestering Glen to see this famous note, but he kept it a secret. Towards the end of the journey, as he felt that he had gotten to know everyone and bonded with them, he decided that it would be ok to show the captain the note.

Glen was immediately thrown overboard.

He was close enough at this point that he could swim ashore to his home state of New Jersey. After getting home and cleaning himself up, Glen called his girlfriend.

"Glen!" She cried "You weren't on your return flight, I made so many phone calls, I had no idea what had happened, I thought you were dead!"

Glen took a deep breath and began explaining. "As you know I went off on what I thought would be my dream vacation to Paris. I saw the Eiffel Tower, toured the Louvre and took a boat ride down the Seine. I definitely wanted to have some haute French cuisine, so I picked out the nicest restaurant I could afford. I was waiting for my table at the bar when a rather unattractive bartender dropped a note in front of me. It was in French, which I can't read. When I was seated, I asked my waiter if he could tell me what it said. The waiter said of course, but upon reading it, the waiter had me forcibly removed from the restaurant. Then I was sitting on the curb outside the restaurant when a police officer came by, and after I let him see the note he put me under arrest. I was subsequently brought before a judge, and when he saw the note, he ordered me to be exiled from France. And I still couldn't believe it when the pilot of my plane found out what the note said he had me thrown out of the plane. I wouldn't have survived except I had the luck to land on a passing ship. I didn't want to show them the note, you understand, but for a week they badgered me to see it, and I still had no idea what it said, so I eventually let them see it. Inevitably once they saw it they threw me overboard. I still have the damn note--the paper is very good quality--and the mystery is killing me."

Glen's girlfriend had some doubts about this story, but instead of directly calling Glen out about it, she offered "My uncle speaks French, we could ask him what it says."

So the two of them met and headed over to the uncle's house. Glen told his story to the uncle--which we will omit here in the interest of time--and checked that there were no firearms in the house before handing over the note.

The uncle said, "I can translate this for you, just let me get my reading glasses." The uncle put the note down on the coffee table and went to get his glasses. Just then a gust of wind came through and blew the note out the window, and it was never to be seen again.