The Singing Scoutmaster: Bee Story

Growing up, I knew this bee. And, just like any young, pollen gobbling Arthropoda, it wondered what lay beyond the hive. Because, when you're a bee, you don't get out much, aside from getting more honey for the family. That's how hives work, you see. The pappa and momma bees leave shop every morning, go collect the pollen and make it so the younger folk can survive. There's almost no room for thinking for yourself. And, while some may view what this bee did as selfish, as Aristotle once said, "anyone can be selfish, that is easy" but to be selfish in the right way, at the right time, and for the right purpose? That was this bees intention. So, knowing it would be breaking its parents hearts, the bee left late one evening, stopping to leave a note explaining it would be back one day. Mom always said you could come home if you want, and if things went south, the bee hoped that was still the case.

So, the bee flies out of the hive and is overwhelmed by the freedom the night air offers. After going around for a bit, exploring the area, he comes to the realization that he's pretty under prepared for this sort of thing. Now, if a bee is going to make it in this world, it's got to look out for itself, and the bee figured one of the best ways to do that was to get an education. Of course, being a bee, the enrollment process wasn't much of a hassle, there was the issue of whether the credits from his schooling back at the hive would transfer, and how much in loans he'd have to take out, but in no time flat, the bee found himself recieving offers from every Ivy league school in America. Once at Harvard, the bee excelled at learning, earning a GPA above 4.0 for each semester he was there. His first spring, the bee decided to look into sports, and began playing football and baseball, and thought about adding lacrose on as well. Soon enough, his play was so stellar in both sports, he was playing multiple positions. In baseball he was the pitcher and short stop. In football, he was the quarterback, kicker and occasional running back too. He won the Heisman all four years he was at school. Mel Kiper and Todd McShay rarely agree on anything in terms of the NFL Draft, but they both had the bee being taken number one overall. Some NFL executives thought teams would trade every pick they had for the next three years just to draft him.

Despite all the fame and glory which would have come with being a professional athlete, the bee realized that in order to help people, there are better outlets. So, he got into politics, first starting in the local level, becoming the mayor of a small town in Idaho. He was there for about three years and was the most beloved mayor in history. The potholes that were down on E 224th Street? They were fixed his first week in office. The foodbanks were stocked, public services were never down, the bee had finally found its true calling. It came as no surprise then that it had higher aspirations in politics. Steadily rising from govener, to congress and finally the White House. And, I do appologize if what I've said previously has come off as hyperbole, because I truly do want to make sure this next point is udnerstood. The first two years the bee was in office, were more successful than any other presidents full-term. There was peace in the Middle East, the deficet was resolved, hunger, disease anything you could think of was no longer a problem. And when the first four years were up, people just kinda looked around and wondered if there was even a need for an election. The bee was so loved by everyone that political parties no longer existed. By year eight, talks were being had about an amendment that would allow a possible third term and beyond. However, the bee had no interest in being a tyrant, and stepped aside, moving out west to write its memoirs in peace.

While it relaxed on the beach one afternoon, the bee realized that even though it had acomplished everything it had ever wanted, he still felt empty. At this point, he had been away from home for well over a decade. The faces and voices of his loved ones had begun to fade, and the bee realized the reason he hadn't gone back was because he was afraid. He was afraid of being judge by the people he cared about the most. Taking a deep breath, the bee thought of what Mike Tomlin said about not living in your fears, but living in your hopes. The bee hoped his family was all still there, and that they would welcome him home.

Though he tried to make it a lowkey affair, the news of the bee coming home reached the hive long before he even made it into town. A huge part was being thrown for him, streamers, banners, everyone he knew from his youth was there, including his parents, who smiled at him. The party went on all night, but one thing that was a problem, as is often the case in bee hives. There wasn't a lot of places to drink from. So, the bee headed off down the block to find the water fountain, but was dismayed to see a line there too. Initially, he was okay with waiting, but one of the degrees the bee earned while at school was in Mathematics. And, he quickly calculated that it would take way too long to get a drink, so he moved on. The bee passed on the drive through store, and found the tavern was busy too. Feeling very dry at this point, the bee remembered there was a family that sold juice by the courtyard of the church. So, the bee buzzed his way down there, thinking of his youth, feeling young again, almost happy. When the bee got there, he saw there was no punch line.