The Singing Scoutmaster: The Talking Tree

([Hiker] walks across stage, looking around at scenery.)

[Hiker:] What a beautiful day for a hike in the forest!

([Tree] stands center stage, arms raised like branches, completely still.)

([Hiker] walks near [Tree].)

[Tree:] (in a deep, slow voice) Hellooooo...

([Hiker] stops, looks around.)

[Hiker:] Did someone say something?

[Tree:] Helloooo, traveler...

[Hiker:] (looking around confused) Who said that?

[Tree:] I did...

[Hiker:] Where are you? I don't see anyone!

[Tree:] Look up...

([Hiker] looks up at the sky.)

[Hiker:] I don't see anything!

[Tree:] No... look at me... the tree...

([Hiker] looks at [Tree], then jumps back, startled.)

[Hiker:] You... you're a TALKING TREE?!

[Tree:] Yes... I am... very old... very wise...

[Hiker:] This is amazing! A real talking tree! Can you answer questions?

[Tree:] Yes... ask me... anything...

[Hiker:] (excitedly) Okay! What's the meaning of life?

[Tree:] The meaning of life... is... to grow... toward the sun... to spread your branches... and give shade to others...

[Hiker:] Wow! That's beautiful! What else can you tell me?

[Tree:] I can tell you... about the forest... about nature... about the secrets... of the woods...

[Hiker:] This is incredible! How long have you been here?

[Tree:] I have stood here... for three hundred years... I have seen... much...

[Hiker:] Three hundred years! You must know everything about this forest!

[Tree:] I know... where the deer sleep... where the birds nest... where the stream runs clearest...

[Hiker:] Can you tell me the way to the campground? I think I'm lost.

[Tree:] The campground... is... that way...

([Tree] doesn't point or move at all, just stands still.)

[Hiker:] Which way? Can you point?

[Tree:] I... cannot... point... I am a tree... I have no hands...

[Hiker:] But you're TALKING! If you can talk, why can't you point?

[Tree:] Because... I am a tree... Trees don't... have hands... only branches...

[Hiker:] This makes no sense! If you can't move, how are you even talking?

[Tree:] I... am... magic...

[Hiker:] (frustrated) Ugh! Some help you are! I'm still lost!

([Hiker] starts to walk away. Suddenly, [Scout] steps out from behind [Tree], holding leaves around their face.)

[Scout:] (in normal voice) Hey, wait! Sorry about that. I was just messing with you. I'm not really a tree!

[Hiker:] (annoyed) I knew it! There's no such thing as talking trees!

([Tree], still standing still, speaks one more time in the deep voice.)

[Tree:] Actually... I really AM... a talking tree...

([Both Hiker and Scout turn to stare at [Tree], shocked.)

[Both:] AHHHHH!

([Hiker and Scout run away screaming. [Tree] remains standing, arms raised, silent.)

(Freeze. Blackout.)