The Robot
| Category: | Physical Comedy & Slapstick |
|---|---|
| Category: | Science & Technology |
| Props: | None |
| Notes: | The Robot should move stiffly and mechanically with robotic sounds. The Inventor should be proud but increasingly frustrated. The Robot's malfunctions should escalate comedically. |
([Inventor] stands proudly next to [Robot], who stands stiffly.)
[Inventor:] (to audience) Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you my greatest invention - the ROBO-SCOUT 3000!
([Robot] remains motionless.)
[Inventor:] This robot can do ANYTHING! Watch this! Robot, activate!
([Robot] comes to life with mechanical sounds, jerky movements.)
[Robot:] (in monotone) ROBO-SCOUT... 3000... ONLINE...
[Inventor:] Excellent! Robot, walk forward!
([Robot] takes one step, then walks in a circle instead.)
[Inventor:] No, no! FORWARD! Straight ahead!
([Robot] continues walking in circles.)
[Robot:] WALK... FORWARD... COM-MAND... RE-CEIVED...
[Inventor:] (frustrated) You're going in circles!
([Robot] stops abruptly.)
[Inventor:] Okay, let's try something simpler. Robot, raise your right hand!
([Robot] raises left hand.)
[Inventor:] No! Your RIGHT hand!
([Robot] raises left foot.)
[Inventor:] (sighing) That's your left FOOT!
[Robot:] (confused beeping) ERROR... ERROR... RE-CAL-CU-LATING...
([Robot] spins around once, then raises both hands.)
[Inventor:] Close enough. Okay, let's try the voice recognition. Robot, what is 2 plus 2?
[Robot:] (processing sounds) COM-PU-TING... COM-PU-TING... 2... PLUS... 2... E-QUALS...
[Inventor:] (encouraging) Yes?
[Robot:] TWEN-TY-TWO!
[Inventor:] No! It's FOUR! 2 plus 2 equals 4!
[Robot:] (stubbornly) TWEN-TY-TWO!
[Inventor:] (frustrated) You're broken! Let me check your programming!
(Mimes opening panel on [Robot]'s back and looking inside.)
[Inventor:] Aha! I see the problem! There's a bug in your code!
([Inventor] mimes removing something.)
[Inventor:] Wait... this is an actual bug. A real insect was in there.
(Shows tiny bug to audience.)
[Inventor:] Okay, try again! Robot, what is 2 plus 2?
[Robot:] 2... PLUS... 2... E-QUALS...
(Long pause.)
[Robot:] FIF-TEEN!
[Inventor:] (exasperated) That's even WORSE!
[Robot:] (suddenly moving erratically) MAL-FUNC-TION! MAL-FUNC-TION!
([Robot] starts spinning, arms flailing, making loud beeping noises.)
[Inventor:] (alarmed) What are you doing?! Stop!
[Robot:] CAN-NOT... STOP! SYS-TEMS... FAIL-ING!
([Robot] runs around stage wildly, bumping into things.)
[Inventor:] (chasing Robot) Come back here!
[Robot:] MUST... DE-STROY... ALL... HU-MANS!
[Inventor:] (panicking) I didn't program you to say that!
[Robot:] (continuing) START-ING... WITH... IN-VEN-TOR!
([Robot] chases [Inventor] around the stage.)
[Inventor:] (running) Help! My robot is trying to destroy me!
(Suddenly, [Robot] stops, makes powering-down sounds.)
[Robot:] BAT-TER-Y... LOW... SHUT-TING... DOWN...
([Robot] freezes in place mid-chase.)
[Inventor:] (relieved, catching breath) Thank goodness!
(Approaches [Robot] cautiously.)
[Inventor:] (to audience) Well, there are still a few bugs to work out...
([Robot] suddenly springs back to life.)
[Robot:] (loudly) JUST KID-DING!
([Robot] chases [Inventor] offstage. [Inventor] screams.)
(Freeze. Blackout.)