The Pizza Delivery
| Category: | Physical Comedy & Slapstick |
|---|---|
| Category: | Wordplay & Puns |
| Props: | Pizza box (can be real or fake) |
| Notes: | The Customer should be increasingly frustrated while the Delivery Person remains obliviously cheerful. The ending punchline involves a play on words about pizza toppings. |
([Customer] stands at home, looking at watch impatiently. Doorbell sound.)
[Customer:] Finally! The pizza!
(Opens door. [Delivery Person] stands there with pizza box.)
[Delivery Person:] (cheerfully) Pizza delivery!
[Customer:] Great! I'm starving! I ordered a large pepperoni pizza.
[Delivery Person:] (checking box) Hmm, let me see...
(Opens box, looks confused.)
[Delivery Person:] This is a cheese pizza.
[Customer:] What?! But I ordered pepperoni!
[Delivery Person:] Are you sure?
[Customer:] Yes! I called an hour ago! Large pepperoni pizza!
[Delivery Person:] (pulling out phone, checking) Let me check the order... Okay, it says here: large pizza, extra cheese.
[Customer:] No! I said PEPPERONI! Not extra cheese!
[Delivery Person:] (confused) But "extra cheese" and "pepperoni" sound nothing alike.
[Customer:] Exactly! So why did you bring me the wrong pizza?
[Delivery Person:] (defensively) Hey, I just deliver them! I don't make them!
[Customer:] Can you go back and get my pepperoni pizza?
[Delivery Person:] Well... (checks watch) My shift ends in five minutes...
[Customer:] So I should just eat this cheese pizza?
[Delivery Person:] (brightly) Sure! Cheese pizza is great!
[Customer:] (frustrated) But I don't WANT cheese pizza! I want what I ORDERED!
[Delivery Person:] (trying to be helpful) You could put your own pepperoni on it!
[Customer:] I don't HAVE pepperoni! That's why I ordered pizza!
[Delivery Person:] Do you have any other toppings? Olives? Mushrooms?
[Customer:] I don't want to MAKE my own pizza! I want YOU to bring me the RIGHT pizza!
[Delivery Person:] (sighing) Okay, okay. Let me call the shop.
(Pulls out phone, calls.)
[Delivery Person:] (into phone) Hey, boss? Yeah, I'm at the customer's house. They say they ordered pepperoni but I brought cheese... Uh huh... Uh huh... Really? Okay.
(Hangs up.)
[Delivery Person:] Good news!
[Customer:] You're bringing me the right pizza?
[Delivery Person:] Better! The boss says you can have this cheese pizza for free!
[Customer:] (exasperated) But I don't WANT a free cheese pizza!
[Delivery Person:] (confused) Who doesn't want free pizza?
[Customer:] Someone who ordered PEPPERONI!
[Delivery Person:] (suddenly realizing) Ohhhh! I get it now!
[Customer:] (hopeful) You do?
[Delivery Person:] Yeah! You wanted the pizza... (dramatic pause) ...with PEPPERONI!
[Customer:] (relieved) YES! FINALLY!
[Delivery Person:] (proudly) See, I DO listen! So you want the pepperoni pizza!
[Customer:] YES!
[Delivery Person:] (cheerfully) Great! I'll go back and get it now!
[Customer:] Thank you!
([Delivery Person] starts to leave, then stops.)
[Delivery Person:] Just one question...
[Customer:] What?
[Delivery Person:] What's your address again?
[Customer:] (screaming) AHHHHHHH!
([Customer] slams door. [Delivery Person] stands there looking confused, holding the cheese pizza.)
[Delivery Person:] (to audience) I guess they really didn't want the free pizza.
(Takes a slice and eats it while walking offstage.)
(Freeze. Blackout.)