The Explorer
| Category: | Physical Comedy & Slapstick |
|---|---|
| Category: | Historical / Cultural |
| Props: | Binoculars, compass, map (optional) |
| Notes: | The Explorer should be overly dramatic and confident despite being completely lost. The Guide should be increasingly frustrated. This skit pokes fun at overconfident explorers who won't admit they're lost. |
([Explorer] enters, looking through binoculars, holding a compass and map.)
[Explorer:] (confidently) According to my calculations, we should reach civilization in approximately... two hours!
([Guide] enters, looking tired and skeptical.)
[Guide:] Are you sure? We've been walking for three days now.
[Explorer:] Of course I'm sure! I'm a professional explorer! I've crossed deserts, climbed mountains, and navigated through jungles!
[Guide:] Then why does that tree look familiar?
[Explorer:] (dismissively) All trees look the same! Keep moving!
(They walk in a circle around the stage.)
[Guide:] (stopping) Wait a minute. Isn't that the same rock we passed this morning?
[Explorer:] (consulting compass) Impossible! My compass says we're heading due north!
[Guide:] Can I see that compass?
([Explorer] hands over compass. [Guide] examines it.)
[Guide:] This compass is broken. The needle isn't even moving.
[Explorer:] (snatching it back) It's not broken! It's just... very decisive! It knows exactly which way is north!
[Guide:] It's pointing at your belt buckle!
[Explorer:] (defensive) That's because my belt buckle is magnetic! It proves the compass is working!
[Guide:] (exasperated) Let me see the map.
([Explorer] unfolds map. [Guide] looks at it, then turns it upside down.)
[Guide:] You've been reading the map upside down this entire time!
[Explorer:] (snatching map back) I have not! This is the proper way to read a map when you're in the Southern Hemisphere!
[Guide:] We're NOT in the Southern Hemisphere! We're in New Jersey!
[Explorer:] (studying map intently) Are you sure?
[Guide:] YES! Look, there's a sign right over there!
([Guide] points offstage.)
[Explorer:] (squinting) What does it say?
[Guide:] (reading) "Welcome to New Jersey: Now Leaving Camp Wilderness. Parking Lot This Way."
[Explorer:] (brightening) Excellent! See? I told you we'd find civilization!
[Guide:] But... we've been TRYING to get back to the parking lot for three days! It was only a mile away from camp!
[Explorer:] (proudly) And thanks to my expert navigation skills, we've arrived! You're welcome!
[Guide:] We're literally at the spot where we STARTED!
[Explorer:] (consulting compass again) Hmm... I see your point. We may have taken... a scenic route.
[Guide:] A SCENIC ROUTE?! We walked 50 miles to end up back where we began!
[Explorer:] (cheerfully) But think of all the adventure we had! That's what exploring is all about!
([Guide] stares at [Explorer] in disbelief, then walks offstage shaking their head.)
[Explorer:] (calling after) Where are you going? Don't you want to explore MORE?
([Explorer] looks at compass, shrugs, and heads off in the opposite direction.)
(Freeze. Blackout.)