Tankety Tank
| Category: | Physical Comedy & Slapstick |
|---|---|
| Category: | Sound Effect / Visual Gag |
| Props: | Chairs arranged in a line to represent tank interior |
| Notes: | The crew should make great sound effects-engine rumbling, treads grinding, explosions. Each hit should make them all shake dramatically together. The gunner should really sell the aiming and firing sequence. Physical comedy is key! |
([Commander], [Driver], [Gunner], and [Loader] sit in chairs arranged like a tank, with [Commander] standing/sitting in back.)
[Commander:] All right, crew! We're moving into enemy territory! Driver, start the engine!
[Driver:] Yes, sir!
(All crew make engine starting sounds: "Rrrrrr-rrrrrr-rrrrrr-VROOOM!" and begin bouncing slightly as if moving.)
[Commander:] Forward! Full speed ahead!
(All make rumbling tank sounds and bounce more, leaning forward: "Rrrrrrrr-grind-grind-RRRRRR!")
[Commander:] (Looking through binoculars.) Enemy tanks spotted! Twelve o'clock!
[Gunner:] I see them, sir!
[Commander:] Gunner, prepare to fire!
[Gunner:] Loading armor-piercing round!
[Loader:] Round loaded!
[Gunner:] Target acquired! Firing!
(All yell "BOOM!" and rock backward from the recoil.)
[Commander:] Direct hit! Enemy tank destroyed!
(All cheer briefly.)
[Commander:] Wait! More enemy tanks! Three o'clock!
[Driver:] Turning right!
(All lean right as if turning.)
[Gunner:] I've got them! Firing!
(All yell "BOOM!" and rock backward.)
[Commander:] Excellent shot! But wait-incoming artillery!
(All make whistling sound getting louder, then yell "BOOM!" and shake violently. They recover, shaking their heads.)
[Commander:] That was close! Driver, evasive action!
[Driver:] Zig-zagging!
(All swerve left and right dramatically, making screeching sounds.)
[Commander:] More enemy fire! Brace for impact!
(Another whistling sound and "BOOM!" All shake again.)
[Loader:] Sir! We're hit! Treads are damaged!
[Driver:] I'm losing control!
(All swerve wildly, making grinding and clanking sounds.)
[Commander:] Keep it steady! Gunner, return fire!
[Gunner:] Firing!
("BOOM!" All rock backward.)
[Commander:] Got him! All enemy tanks destroyed! We're victorious!
(All cheer and high-five.)
[Commander:] All right, crew! Let's head back to base! Driver, take us home!
[Driver:] Yes, sir! Heading home!
(All make rumbling sounds and bounce gently as if driving.)
[Loader:] Um... sir? There's one small problem.
[Commander:] What's that?
[Loader:] How do we stop this thing?
[Driver:] Stop? I don't know where the brakes are!
[Commander:] WHAT?
[Driver:] I've never driven a tank before! I just kept pushing this lever forward!
[Commander:] Well FIND the brakes!
(All start frantically searching around their seats, pushing imaginary buttons and levers.)
[Gunner:] This one?
(They suddenly lurch upward-wrong control.)
[Loader:] This one?
(They spin in a complete circle, all leaning as they spin.)
[Commander:] NO! NOT THAT ONE!
[Driver:] I found something!
(All suddenly jerk forward hard and fall out of their chairs onto the ground in a heap.)
[All together:] We stopped!
(Freeze in tangled heap. Blackout.)