I Can't Pay the Rent! (Scout Skit)

[Narrator:] (stepping forward grandly) Ladies and gentlemen! Tonight our troop presents a tragic tale of greed, romance and overdue rent! But first, you have a job. When you hear about the VILLAIN, give a big Boo! Hiss! Let's try it. The VILLAIN!

(The audience boos.)

[Narrator:] Dreadful! Perfect! When you hear about our sweet heroine, NELL, put your hands on your heart and say Awww! Sweet NELL!

(The audience sighs.)

[Narrator:] And when our HERO arrives, cheer like he just found the last marshmallow! Our HERO!

(The audience cheers.)

[Narrator:] Act One!

(The VILLAIN enters, holding the ribbon under his nose like a big mustache, and twirls one end.)

[Villain:] You must pay the rent!

(He hands the ribbon to NELL, who holds it on top of her head like a hair bow.)

[Nell:] (clasping her hands) I can't pay the rent!

(The ribbon goes back to the VILLAIN. Mustache.)

[Villain:] You must pay the rent!

(Hair bow.)

[Nell:] I can't pay the rent!

(The HERO strides in, takes the ribbon, and holds it at his throat like a bow tie.)

[Hero:] I'll pay the rent!

(Hair bow.)

[Nell:] My hero!

(Bow tie.)

[Hero:] My darling NELL!

(He kisses her hand. SMOOCH!)

(Mustache. The VILLAIN shakes his fist.)

[Villain:] Curses! Foiled again!

[Narrator:] Wasn't that moving? It was so moving, we'll do it again. Act Two! Twice as fast!

(The whole scene again at double speed, the ribbon flying from hand to hand. The audience keeps up with the boos, sighs and cheers.)

[Narrator:] Magnificent! But our budget has been cut. Act Three will be performed by one actor!

(The other two leave. One actor plays all three parts, switching the ribbon from nose to head to throat, and hopping a step to the side for each new character. Faster, and faster, and faster, until on the last line the ribbon ends up tied around the actor's eyes like a blindfold and he staggers off in the wrong direction.)

[Narrator:] (sadly) And so the rent was paid, love triumphed, and our actor was never seen again. Curses! Foiled again!

Tips: the whole joke is the ribbon, so make the switches big and clear. Mustache under the nose, bow on top of the head, bow tie at the throat. Hold for the audience's boo, sigh or cheer before each line. Act Three is the big laugh, so the solo actor should be your best ham.

A classic campfire melodrama in the public domain. For more melodramas with the same cast, see the other skits tagged melodrama.