The Fortune Teller
| Category: | Absurdist / Nonsense Skits |
|---|---|
| Category: | Wordplay & Puns |
| Props: | Small table, chair, crystal ball (or bowl), mysterious cloth/shawl for Fortune Teller, coins |
| Notes: | The Fortune Teller should be very dramatic and mystical. Use spooky voice and mysterious gestures. Each customer should react differently to their fortune. The final customer's reaction is the punchline! |
([Fortune Teller] sits behind table with crystal ball, wearing mysterious shawl, looking mystical.)
[Fortune Teller:] Come! Come! Madame Mysterioso sees all, knows all, tells all! For just one coin, I will reveal your future!
([Customer 1] approaches nervously, places coin on table.)
[Customer 1:] Can you really see the future?
[Fortune Teller:] Sit! Gaze into my crystal ball!
([Customer 1] sits. [Fortune Teller] waves hands over crystal ball mysteriously, making mystical sounds: "Ooooommmmm... Ahhhhhhhh...")
[Fortune Teller:] I see... I see... you will soon receive a letter! A letter with good news about money!
[Customer 1:] Really? That's wonderful! Thank you!
([Customer 1] exits happily.)
([Customer 2] approaches confidently, slaps coin on table.)
[Customer 2:] Let's see what you've got for me!
[Fortune Teller:] Sit! Look deep into the crystal!
([Customer 2] sits. [Fortune Teller] waves hands dramatically over ball.)
[Fortune Teller:] Ooooommmmm... I see... I see... you will meet someone! Someone special! Romance is in your future!
[Customer 2:] No way! That's exactly what I wanted to hear!
([Customer 2] exits excitedly.)
([Customer 3] approaches skeptically, places coin down carefully.)
[Customer 3:] I don't really believe in this stuff, but okay, let's hear it.
[Fortune Teller:] The crystal does not lie! Sit!
([Customer 3] sits. [Fortune Teller] makes elaborate gestures over ball.)
[Fortune Teller:] Ooooommmmm... Ahhhhhhhh... I see... I see... you will go on a journey! A long journey across water!
[Customer 3:] Across water? But I just bought plane tickets to Hawaii! How did you know?
[Fortune Teller:] The crystal knows all!
([Customer 3] exits, amazed and convinced.)
([Final Customer] approaches, places coin on table, sits down confidently.)
[Final Customer:] All right, tell me my future!
([Fortune Teller] waves hands over crystal ball very dramatically.)
[Fortune Teller:] Ooooommmmm... Ahhhhhhhh... I see... I see...
([Fortune Teller] suddenly looks shocked and horrified, pulls back from crystal ball.)
[Final Customer:] What? What do you see?
[Fortune Teller:] No! It cannot be! This is terrible!
[Final Customer:] What? Tell me!
[Fortune Teller:] The crystal shows... you will soon... you will...
[Final Customer:] WHAT?
[Fortune Teller:] You will soon have to... GO TO THE BATHROOM!
([Final Customer] looks down, thinks about it, then suddenly stands up urgently.)
[Final Customer:] Oh my gosh! You're right! I DO have to go to the bathroom! You really CAN see the future!
([Final Customer] rushes off stage frantically. [Fortune Teller] takes a bow.)
[Fortune Teller:] The crystal never lies!
(Blackout.)