The Singing Scoutmaster: The Alien Invasion

([Earthling 1] and [Earthling 2] stand on stage, looking at sky.)

[Earthling 1:] What a beautiful night! The stars are so bright!

(Suddenly, whooshing sound. Bright light. [Earthlings] shield their eyes.)

[Earthling 2:] What's that?!

(Spaceship sound effects. [Alien 1] and [Alien 2] enter, moving strangely.)

[Alien 1:] (in weird accent) Greet-ings, Earth-lings! We... come... in... peace!

([Earthlings] scream and hug each other.)

[Earthling 1:] ALIENS! THEY'RE REAL!

[Alien 2:] Do... not... be... a-fraid! We... are... friend-ly!

[Earthling 2:] (cautiously) What do you want?

[Alien 1:] We... have... trav-eled... many... light... years... to... meet... you!

[Earthling 1:] Why?

[Alien 2:] We... wish... to... learn... about... Earth... cul-ture!

[Earthling 2:] (relaxing slightly) Oh! That's actually kind of nice!

[Alien 1:] Yes! Tell... us... what... is... this?

(Points at [Earthling 1]'s phone.)

[Earthling 1:] This? It's a phone. We use it to communicate.

[Alien 1:] (fascinated) Com-mu-ni-cate! How... does... it... work?

[Earthling 1:] Well, you press buttons and-

([Alien 1] grabs phone and examines it closely, turning it over, shaking it.)

[Alien 1:] (excited) It... makes... pic-tures!

(Takes selfie with [Alien 2]. Both aliens stare at photo, amazed.)

[Alien 2:] (impressed) Mag-ic!

[Earthling 2:] Not magic. Just technology.

[Alien 1:] We... must... take... this... back... to... our... plan-et!

[Earthling 1:] Wait! That's MY phone!

([Alien 1] refuses to give it back, keeps taking more selfies.)

[Alien 2:] Tell... us... what... do... Earth-lings... eat?

[Earthling 2:] Lots of things. Pizza, burgers, salads...

[Alien 2:] Piz-za? What... is... piz-za?

[Earthling 2:] It's round bread with cheese and toppings.

([Alien 2] pulls out a frisbee from somewhere.)

[Alien 2:] Like... this?

[Earthling 2:] No, that's a frisbee! It's a toy!

([Alien 2] takes a bite of the frisbee, chews thoughtfully.)

[Alien 2:] Earth... piz-za... is... ve-ry... rub-ber-y...

[Earthling 1:] Don't eat that!

([Alien 1] and [Alien 2] start examining the [Earthlings] more closely, circling them.)

[Alien 1:] You... have... ve-ry... strange... ap-pear-ance!

[Earthling 2:] US? You're the ones who look strange!

[Alien 2:] Why... do... you... on-ly... have... TWO... eyes?

[Earthling 1:] That's... normal for humans. How many do YOU have?

([Alien 2] points to various spots on their body.)

[Alien 2:] Sev-en! One... for... each... day... of... the... week!

[Earthling 2:] That's... actually pretty cool.

[Alien 1:] (suddenly) We... must... re-turn... to... our... ship... now!

[Earthling 1:] Already? But you just got here!

[Alien 2:] Our... park-ing... me-ter... is... ex-pir-ing!

[Earthling 2:] Parking meter? In space?

[Alien 1:] Yes! Ve-ry... ex-pen-sive... to... park... spa-ce-ships... on... Earth!

([Aliens] start backing toward exit.)

[Earthling 1:] Wait! Can I have my phone back?

[Alien 1:] (looking at phone) Sor-ry... I... al-rea-dy... up-load-ed... all... my... self-ies... to... Space-book!

([Aliens] wave goodbye.)

[Both Aliens:] Fare-well... Earth-lings! We... will... re-turn... when... we... fig-ure... out... how... to... use... your... WiFi!

(Spaceship sounds. [Aliens] exit.)

([Earthlings] stand there, stunned.)

[Earthling 1:] Did that really just happen?

[Earthling 2:] I think so... They seemed... oddly normal.

[Earthling 1:] (nodding) Yeah. Kind of disappointing, actually.

(Both shrug and exit.)

(Freeze. Blackout.)